and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
