I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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