With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
