Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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