just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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