do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
