I have demons in me.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
