New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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