Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
