ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
