my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
