At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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