Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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