Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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