he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
