jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
