I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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