Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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