she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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