I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
