I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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