Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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