If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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