tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
