I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
