if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
