he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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