I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
