your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
