I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
