I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
