South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
