y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
