What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
