are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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