My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
