I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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