I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
