am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
