I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
