She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
