I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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