I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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