Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
