Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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