He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
