yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize