So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
