My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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