i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
