Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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