He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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