textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
