I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
