Whod you bang
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My cat gives me a boner
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
