If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize