Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
