im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Floor bacon is actually really good
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
