Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
two words...techno handjob
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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