you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I love you.
Bad choice
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