so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
