my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
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