he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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