for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
