I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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