You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
