Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
