oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
