Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Hippo gnu deer
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We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
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Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize