just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
