16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
