There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
