Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Couch. On fire.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
