whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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