bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
