I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
