why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
