It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
