I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
