Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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