I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
